Many years ago, I was on a missions trip to the Philippines. I traveled to a remote island where our small boat landed on a shore covered with shells. There were so many that I couldn’t see any sand, just beautiful shells. In my excitement, I reached down and grabbed a handful, not realizing children were watching me. When it was time to leave, the children lined up and each excitedly handed me a shell. Each shell was beautiful; then one little girl handed me a broken shell. My first reaction was disappointment and I thought about discarding it once I left the shore.

However, before I left, I felt the Lord asking me what would I do with broken people. Would I just toss them away like the broken shell? That shell became more meaningful than all the perfect ones. After telling this story to my good friend Fernando Souza, he responded;
In that small broken shell, there is a story. Your story made me reflect on the perfection of the church. The church is perfect, but its members are not flawless beings, but individuals in a constant process of transformation. And it is precisely this imperfection that makes the church so precious. It is a perfect family of imperfect children who are nurtured, strengthened, and perfected day by day by God, through the Holy Spirit and life together with each other.
The church is the most precious place on Earth for us, the children of God. It is here that we find a home, a family, a flock of sheep guided by the true Shepherd. It is here that we surrender to the Lord and His people, strengthening each other in our walk of faith. “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7. In God’s eyes, the church is perfect because it is formed by imperfect people seeking the perfection of Jesus. The church reminds us that true beauty lies in accepting our flaws and in the process of constant transformation.

The truth is, if you’ve been involved in relational gatherings for more than one or two hours you’ve most likely run into broken people. Honestly, we all are broken to some extent, but what do we do when we encounter someone in need of help? For many who come, a loving and open environment will bring healing and growth. It may take a while and it might be messy, but people willing to change can and do, and watching someone grow and mature in Christ is glorious.
However, there are others.
The gift of discernment is crucial in this area. I’ve heard so many horror stories and have experienced some myself. Dysfunctional people come to the group: you see the red flags but you have a desire to help them so the flags are overlooked. You continue to meet but they never change. They have the potential to destroy the group all in one fell swoop, and they usually do.

After fifteen years of doing relational gatherings, I have gotten better at discerning people who have the potential of setting off bombs. It usually doesn’t happen right away; it seems it happens once they are fully integrated in the group and the timing of the blast is often opportune.
If you are unsure if a person will integrate well in the group, it is better you meet one on one or in a small separate group and honestly reflect on any issues that you see. If confronted in a loving manner with no positive outcome, the person may likely disconnect on their own. On the other hand, if a person is humble and willing to discuss issues, there is hope that they can and will change. People changing over time is a good indication that the Lord is working in their lives and that they can be a healthy part of the gathering.
Perhaps you would like to share your wisdom on this issue; we all can learn. You can comment below.
Check out Fernando Souza’s blog here.
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